1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None, God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs, they simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will one day will be chosen to be changed.
3. How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb? Change?
4. How many Neo-Orthodox does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
5. How many TV Evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But for the message of the light to continue send in your donation today.
6. How many Jesus Seminar scholars does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to explain why "it's a parable, dummy," and the other three to vote on whether or not the bulb is actually on or off.*
7. How many Liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten, for they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb actually exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it to keep from alienating those who use other forms of light.
8. How many How Many Roman Catholics Does It Take to Change a light bulb? Seven PLUS one Protestant. One Protestant to nail a sign to the door of the monastery in Latin, explain 95 reasons why the light is burned out, THEN, one Catholic to call Rome and ask if it's okay to change the bulb, one to hold the ladder for the other one to climb and change it, one to hide the ladder and deny the bulb ever burned out, two to convene a council to declare any view that the bulb EVER burned out as heretical and one to cut and paste responses from Catholic Answers to show Protestants that the bulb really didn't change, it DEVELOPED*
9. How many of members of an established Bible teaching church that is over twenty years old does it take to change a light bulb? One, to actually change the bulb and nine to say how much they liked the old one.
10. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? This statement was issued: we choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compromise a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, or light source, or non-dark resource and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday; in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted all of which will be valid paths to luminescence.
11. How many people does it take to change a light bulb in a convent? Nun.*
