Wednesday, February 04, 2009

CONFUSED QUOTES
...I ain't in no slump, I just ain't hitting~Yogi Berra

HAVE SOME "PUN" ---> E - N - J - O - Y 

If crime went down 100%, it would still be 50 times higher than it should be. ~Washington, D.C. councilman John Bowman

We need stronger death penalties ~Ross Perot

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing ~Dizzy Dean, baseball star

Most of our future lies ahead ~Harry Truman

I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them ~George Bush, Sr.

The more killings and homicides you have, the more havoc it prevents ~William Daley, former Chicago Mayor.

The police in Chicago are not here to create disorder, they are here to preserve it ~Ibid.

The heck with the public! I am here to represent the people ~New Jersey state senator

Things are more like they are now than they've ever been ~Gerald Ford

Every man loves his native land, whether he was born there or not ~Thomas Fitch, author.

If I told you the truth, I'd be a hypocrite ~Samuel Goldwyn, on a musical.

I'm always open to honest criticism from you judgmental creeps ~Robert Altman, film director on critics

I hate intolerant people ~Gloria Steinem

Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child. ~Vice President Dan Quayle ~

Mars is essentially in the same orbit... somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe. ~Ibid~

Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.~Football commentator and former quarterback for Washington Redskins -Joe Theismann~

You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle ~Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach~

You guys line up alphabetically by height ~Ibid~

The ballparks have gotten too crowded. That's why nobody goes to see the game anymore. ~Yogi Berra~

30 comments:

cyd said...

"The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits"

- Albert 'Norman' Einstein

Michele Rayburn said...

Those were good.

Good quote, Cyd. Stupidity has no limits. Something to ponder. :)

I collect puns and funny sayings that happen in my day to day life. These aren't exactly "confused quotes", but since you got me smiling, I thought I'd share some with you:


A homeschool mom emailed us that her 5 mo. old grandson cries all day long, and almost never stops. And they've tried everything, but nothing helps.

And I thought "Boy, what a melancholy baby.":)

-----------------------------------------------------

Terry said, "Airplane flying at 12 o'clock."

Mike said, "When you said that, it was at 2 o'clock. Now it's flying at 10 o'clock."

I said, "How time flies!"

-----------------------------------------------------

The sign said "Help Wanted" on the window as we were walking into the restaurant. So I said, "Terry, you want to wash the dishes after we eat?"

-----------------------------------------------------

It's a good thing I was looking for my notepad, or I would've never known it was lost.

-----------------------------------------------------

I forgot to take Aleve before I left.

-----------------------------------------------------

(I think you'll like this one, Steve.)

Regarding blog traffic, I told Michael, "Daddy has his 1000's, and Steve has his 10's of 1000's.

-----------------------------------------------------

A man fell asleep with a cigarette in his hand, burned his arm and hand, and so he had to have some bone removed from his arm. So, this other man said to him, "That must have been "a wake up call" for ya. Huh?"


That's all folks!

cyd said...

Thanks, Michele. ;-)
BTW, did you know that 5 out of 4 people struggle with fractions?

Michele Rayburn said...

No.

Hey Cyd, why is it that if you sneeze during the church service, no one says, "God bless you"? Just wondering.

janice said...

Michele, I had a good morning laugh with those puns!!!!Puns are fun. Thanks from your SIL.

The Blainemonster said...

One of my all time favorites that I've had taped to my desk for years is from Sir Boyle Roche, an 18th century member of Parliament:

"All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand."

SJ Camp said...

BLAINE
"All along the untrodden paths of the future, I can see the footprints of an unseen hand."

CLASSIC! Thank you...
Campi

SJ Camp said...

Michele
why is it that if you sneeze during the church service, no one says, "God bless you"?

Because... no one wants to be "nosey." :-)

SJ Camp said...

Cyd
did you know that 5 out of 4 people struggle with fractions?

I think 60% of the time that is 100% accurate.

SJ Camp said...

Janice
I had a good morning laugh with those puns!!!!

Me 2. A much needed break from the heaviness of some days. "Laughter is a good medicine."

Campi
:-)

Darrin said...

Steve, Don't know if this would undesirably change the tune of this thread (to negative), but a couple of the quotes (like "I'm always open to honest criticism from you judgmental creeps") reminded me of the Emergent-See posters linked from the TeamPyro blog:
http://www.spurgeon.org/~phil/posters.htm

SJ Camp said...

Darrin
Not to negative at all.

Phil Johnson did a marvelous job on his "Demotivator Poster" spin offs with his emergent pomo cultural emphasis.

Good insight. Thanks,
Campi

Michele Rayburn said...

Janice,

Welcome SIL. You caught me at it again.

BTW, my car battery went dead and we were trying to figure out why.

I said to Terry, "Every battery has a life."

And Terry said, "But not much of a life 'coz it just sits there."

Your SIL,
Michele

A Marriage After His Heart said...

This was too funny and just what I needed. BTW I loved your comment on Terry's blog today. It was rightfully said and needed.

janice said...

I am a new blogger, so could someone please let me know what BTW stands for. I have been trying to guess, but a while back I thought LOL meant love something.....?

janice said...

BTW, it just came to me! If Jesus had the internet when he told his parables, He could have said, 'some seed were thrown BTWside. No pun intended....

Michele Rayburn said...

Janice,

BTW=by the way

LOL=laughing out loud

LOL (lots of love),
Michele

janice said...

Thanks Michele! LOL to you :)I will make note of those.

Michele Rayburn said...

A Marriage After His Heart,

So glad you were blessed. Look on Steve's posts at Jan. 25 and Jan. 22 for more on pro-life (2 videos).

Michele Rayburn said...

Janice,

'some seed were thrown BTWside'

That's a good one. But to clarify, if Jesus had the internet, he wouldn't have said it. He would print, "It is type-written..."

Rick Frueh said...

Opinions are like blogs, everone's got one.

Rick Frueh circa A.D. 2009

Michele Rayburn said...

Janice,

If you're still out there...I just watched the movie "Deja Vu" for the second time! :)


(Just had to get that one in!)

janice said...

Michele, it probably just feels like you watched it the second time....."I feel kind of like I've watched this movie before".:)

Michele Rayburn said...

Yeah, I guess you're right. It was probably just deja vu all over again.

Jerry Ruiz said...

i want to thank Lord Alika for the herbal HIV medicine he gave to me and my daughter, i was suffering from HIV when i gave birth to my daughter and that was how my daughter got the sickness indirect from me, but to God be the glory that i am heal with the herbal medicine that Lord Alika gave to me when i contacted him. i want to use this medium to tell everyone that the solution to our sickness has come, so i will like you to contact this great healer on his email address: lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk with him all your pains will be gone, i am really happy today that i and my daughter are cured of HIV, we are now negative after the use of his medicine,my doctor confirm it. once more i say a big thank to you Lord Alika for healing hands upon my life and my daughter, i say may God continue to bless you abundantly and give you more power to keep helping those that want your help in their lives. email him now he is waiting to receive you. lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http call him +2348072718865

Lord Alika CAN AS WELL CURE THE FOLLOWING DISEASE:-

1. HIV/AIDS
2. HERPES
3. CANCER
4. ALS
5. Love spell
6. Money Spell

OGUDUGU SPELL CASTER said...

Hello,

I'm Dr Ogudugu a real and genuine spell caster with 25 years experience in spell casting. I'm an expert in all spell, i specialize exclusively in LOVE, FRUILT OF THE WOMB, HIV/AIDS CURE, CURE FOR HERPES, MERMAID SPELL, VAMPIRE SPELL, MONEY SPELL, DEATH SPELL, CHILD BIRTH, GET YOUR EX LOVER BACK.
If you have a problem and you need a real and genuine spell caster to solve your problems, contact me now through my personal email address, GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM

Note- mail me VIA Contact info- GREATOGUDUGU@GMAIL.COM

Warm Regards and my blessings,
Dr Ogudugu

Sarah Gomez said...

GREETINGS everyone out there.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whatsapp: +2347031894318


Sarah Gomez said...

GREETINGS everyone out there.. My name is Sarah Gomez FROM CANADA i will never forget the help Prophet Ayelala rendered to me in my marital life. i have been married for 5 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was searching for help in the internet, i saw many people sharing testimony on how Prophet Ayelala help them out with their marital problems so i contacted the email of Prophet Ayelala i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place were i can get back my husband within the next 24hours. He told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,that he will never cheat on me again. i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don't you give Prophet Ayelala a try they work surprises because i know they will help you to fix your relationship with your ex partner. i thank god for using Prophet Ayelala to save my marriage. Contact him via Email: ( Ayelala7demons@gmail.com ) Or Reach him on whatsapp: +2347031894318




Gakuba Rauzan said...

My wife is back!!! my name is Gakuba Rauzan. I had a problem with my wife six months ago,which lead to us apart. When she broke up with me,i was no longer myself,I felt so empty inside. Until a friend of mine told me about a spell caster that helped in same problem too, that she found on a television program. i emailed the spell caster and I told him my problem and I did what he asked me to briefly make. To cut the long story short,before i knew what was happening,not up to 48 hours,my wife gave me a call and she come back to me and told me she was sorry about what has happened, she now tell me every day she love and miss me. I'm so grateful to this spell caster Dr. Ogudugu and i will not stop publishing his name on the internet just for the good work he has been doing. If you need his help, you can email him at(greatogudugu@gmail.com)and he will also help you. website: www.greatdrogudugusolutiontemple.webs.com

Glory said...

Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you all, his name is Dr.Ekpen Temple a spell caster that help me restored my broken relationship, I saw an article on the Internet someone talking about him how he help her in her relationship, today I'm a beneficial of that article, so that is why I'm also talking about how he has helped me so that someone out there that is facing the same challenge can also contact him for help. Here is DR EKPEN TEMPLE contact info: ekpentemple@gmail.com or on Whatsapp number +2347050270218.